Is Honesty Really the Best Policy?

 

Have you ever asked yourself this question: Is honesty really the best policy? Ben Franklin said that it was, and old Ben is someone I respect, but I was watching a video that features British comedian and writer Athena Kugblenu, and she discusses “The Fine Art of Fibbing” in a rather humorous way. It really got me thinking because the idea that lying is socially acceptable seems a bit odd to me.

George and the Cherry Tree

Unlike George Washington, who supposedly said, “I cannot tell a lie,” when his father asked him about cutting a cherry tree, we have all told lies big and small. When we were kids, we learned about “white lies” that were supposedly okay to tell. If I knocked over the flowerpot and my mother yelled at me, I would say, “The dog did it.” That was a so-called white lie. Thankfully, unlike little Pinocchio, we didn’t have a nose that would grow when we lied and give ourselves away.

White Lies?

White lies were rather inconsequential. If I broke a glass in the sink, I could be spared if I started to cry and say, “It slipped out of my hand,” when in truth I had knocked it over carelessly when I went to wash my hands.

So, we have all told white lies. “The dog ate my homework” was an often-used lie told to teachers, but my teachers – stern, habited nuns – weren’t buying it. Either way I was punished, so that white lie had consequences.

Truth or Consequences

As I got older and started working in an after-school job, white lies wouldn’t cut it. If I was late and blamed the bus for not being on time, it didn’t matter. My pay was still docked. If I dented my father’s car and said that I didn’t do it, I could count on getting driving privileges taken away for a while. What worked for me as a kid no longer worked because there were always consequences involved.

In the adult world we can lie to the boss about why a report isn’t done on time, but that won’t make things any better. Coming home from work late, we can say that the boss insisted we stay for overtime when we really stopped in the bar for a few drinks with our coworkers. Our partners might believe us until they smell the whiskey on our breaths, and then the crap will hit the fan.

Parenting White Lies

Athena Klugbenu

In Athena’s video she gave a good example of a parenting white lie. Her kids always don’t want to brush their teeth, so she warns them if they do not brush them that she will throw their iPads in the garbage. Of course, she has no intention of doing this, but it gets them to brush their teeth every time because they don’t know that.

As a parent, I have used many threats – some of which I cannot believe I used – but had no intent on carrying them out. One of the best was “If you don’t do (blank), I’m not mailing your letter to Santa.” It worked every time!

Awkward Fib Situations

If I go to work on Monday morning, and my boss comes in wearing a new toupee, I can be diplomatic or I can be honest. If I tell him, “Gee, you look great,” what harm will that do? If I say, “It looks like you have a gerbil on your head,” I could be looking for new job before lunchtime.

We have all faced situations like this. I remember a funny Seinfeld episode where the group went to a beach house and were asked to come in and see the new baby. From Jerry and the rest of the gang’s reaction, we know the baby must have looked like an ogre, and it is funny because they cannot say that.  

When You Cannot Lie

So, you might ask, when does lying or fibbing or whatever you want to call it reach a point of being unacceptable? The answer is simple – your untruth cannot be told if it seriously damages a person or a business. This is where we must draw a red line.

One example of this is when your best friend tells you that he is going to ask his girlfriend (let’s call her Jill) to marry him. Now, you didn’t want to tell him what you know – you saw Jill out in a club with another guy, she slept with one of their friends, and so on – but now you don’t want him to ruin his life. Of course, telling him what you know and kept from him might just ruin your friendship, but you’re trying to save the guy.

Lying about someone’s clothing may seem inconsequential, but let’s say that they are going to a job interview later that day; it is probably best not to fib and tell them the truth. This will give them a chance to either reschedule or go home and change their clothes before they sit down with the hiring manager. They can be mad at you because you hurt their feelings, but if they get the job, they will probably rethink their anger.

To Fib or Not to Fib?

As a writer and editor, I have read many essays and stories over the years. If it something personal – like a diary or journal – I might be tempted to gloss over issues that do not matter to the person because nothing is at stake. However, if that person is looking to publish that book or submit an essay for a grade in school, fibbing time is over. I must be truthful with the person, and I’ll even offer my help if they want it.

In the end, we all know we cannot lie all the time. If someone invites you to a party on Saturday night, and you tell them that you have other plans and stay home and watch Netflix, you can do that once. If you continue to do that, you are probably going to lose that person. Maybe you do not care, but maybe you should if the person means anything to you.

Pinocchio or Ben?

So, is honesty still the best policy? In the best of all worlds, no one would ever have to tell a lie – white or otherwise. However, fibbing has its place in situations where you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings unnecessarily. The bottom line is that if the lie is going to harm anyone or destroy someone’s livelihood, then honesty is the only way to go. While we can all be Pinocchio occasionally, lets strive to be more like honest Ben Franklin as much as we can.