I have been an educator for many years, and I can tell you one simple truth – going back to school can be cruel. This is not just for the kids who have cherished these carefree summer days of no more pencils and no more books – even we educators suffer from what we thought was the endless summer finally ending.
There is no shame in admitting that the summer's end brings anxiety and dread. Getting back into a rigid routine after having months of freedom is daunting. Wondering about how many things I am going to do today is a blessing. Knowing what I have to do today because of a work schedule is a decidedly different thing.
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| The pleasure of enjoying sunsets |
Adults love summer too, and there's no better feeling than knowing you can linger on the beach to watch the sunset because you have nothing pressing to do tomorrow. I enjoy it just as much as my children do, and there's nothing wrong with that until time runs out, and you have to face reality.
The Calendar
"The calendar is our friend in June and becomes our enemy as it turns to September," I remember a classmate saying years ago. I recall as a kid looking at the calendar in the kitchen as my mother would for some unknown reason – now I think it was to keep us aware of the days left in summer – cross off each day with a marker.
I was perfectly fine until the calendar flipped to August. As those days started getting crossed off, I knew my goose was going to get cooked. Each day I would try not to think about it, but inevitably all August days were crossed off, and I stared at the dreaded word SEPTEMBER like it was a black hooded executioner.
My Kids Suffer Too
I guess my anxiety about summer ending as a kid and then as an educator was inherited by my children. I never crossed off days on the calendar – we don't even have a physical calendar in our house – but they are painfully aware that tomorrow is September 1st, and they know what that means.
When they were younger, these last days of August were filled with dread. We would finally go to Staples to get their school supplies – and the most important new backpack because every kid was apparently judged by this important item. It would have to feature currently popular characters from shows they watched on TV, and ideally their lunchboxes would have to correspond with the backpack.
Check out this funny Staples commercial with Alice Cooper. Actress Madeline Martin plays his daughter.
My kids are older now but the pressure is still the same. I'm going back to work, and it's back to school time for them. I do think this feeling is normal, and it is a good idea to examine why we feel this way.
Why Kids Hate Back to School
1. Academic expectations have to be the number one reason kids have hated going back to school since the days of the one-room schoolhouse. They have gone from the lazy crazy days of summer – where the only expectations were to have fun – to days filled with quizzes, tests, assignments, and the dreaded specter of homework.
2. Structured routines return with school and that is daunting because they have spent a whole summer without a basic routine. I know how my own kids would stay up late watching movies and shows they liked, and then they could sleep late into the morning undisturbed. Going back to school means alarm clocks are set, breakfast is early – when in the summer breakfast could be had a lunch time – and then they are off to school.
3. Social anxiety is another factor that going back to school brings. During the summer kids hang out with friends, some of whom they've known since pre-K. There is no structure to friendship in the summer; it is rather a laissez-faire arrangement of seeing friends and hanging out with little structure.
Back to school means sitting in a classroom with different kids, new kids, and there is pressure to "make friendships" which you may not want to or do not like someone from previous experiences. Trying to make friends or trying to fit in sets up awkward situations.
4. Loss of freedom is another reason why kids hate going back to school. Going from waking up late and doing whatever you want to do to a rigid schedule is the worst thing of all. Kids heard Alice Cooper singing "School's Out" as they ran out of the school doors in June. but now there is nothing to sing about as they head inside on the first day of school clutching new pencils, new books, and receiving those teachers' dirty looks.
5. A no phones in schools policy is something kids dread. Living in the NYC area, we have the New York State Phone-Free Schools Law. There is a statewide ban from "bell-to bell" which means no smartphones, tablets, smartwatches, and internet connected laptops for the whole day. School issued devices are the only exception. For kids who spent all summer addicted to their phones or other devices, this is a withdrawal that can be very difficult for them.
Handling Going Back to School
Both parents and kids have to prepare themselves for going back to school. For most of us here in the NYC area that means we have until next week, but many of you reading this may already have kids back in school now. What can we do to ease ourselves back into school days mode?
1. Kids and their parents should get back to a normal sleep routine gradually. If you all have been sleeping later, try to get up a little earlier each day. Start getting up 10 to 15 minutes earlier each day this week until you reach the time you would actually have to get up for work and school next Tuesday.
2. Start getting back into school/work mode with your daily activities. Maybe the kids can get their school supplies ready, read a book they know they will have to read in September – besides school supply lists reading lists or books needed for the school year can be posted online. Parents too can try to get back into a breakfast-lunch-dinner pattern that will be starting the following week.
3. Getting clothing ready or getting new clothes for the school year is a way to let reality sink in. Some kids actually have to get new uniforms for school. As a parent I realized that for some reason kids grow more during the summer, so check and make sure that last year's uniform still fits.
4. Ease anxiety by talking about how they feel about going back to school. Kids will feel better if they can explain why they are worried or scared about going back to the classroom. If they are entering a new school – like when kids transition from K-5 to middle school – they may be worried about finding their classroom and meeting new people and teachers.
5. Going online to "meet" the teachers in advance is helpful. Many school websites have lists of faculty including pictures and biographies. Getting to know where everything is can be helpful too. If you're new to the school, why not schedule a visit to the school with your kids to find out where their classrooms are, the cafeteria, gym, and other important places. Knowing where things are can help ease nervousness of going in cold on the first day.
Final Thoughts
Going back to school is always challenging. Parents and their kids can lower the risk of it being a catastrophe by preparing for change. Confront the notion that this is a transition phase and that expectations should be realistic that the first week – or even all of September – can be a time of adjustment and adaptation.
Parents should remember that kids take cues from you about how to handle the situation. If you're acting nervous or stressed out about this back to school time, kids will mirror that, and it will be harder for them. Going back to school is cruel only if you allow it to be!
Take a deep breath, stay calm, and face this time with conviction that everything will work out – because invariable it always does. Oh, and by the time you go to Meet the Teacher Night – usually held during the second week of school – everything should be back to normal.
Good luck in your transition back to school and have a great school year!




























