This fourth Thursday in November people all over the
country will sit down to the big dinner that should bring everyone together. While
you want and hope for that idyllic Norman Rockwell kind of celebration, there
are always issues simmering under the surface – ranging from political to
personal – and the last thing you want is for your hopes for a wonderful time
by all dashed due to verbal disagreements that get out of control.
There is so much work in preparing for Thanksgiving Day
dinner, but it is always worth the effort because the prospect of seeing some
people you love and have not seen in almost a year is exciting. Once the big
bird is cooked, the side dishes are all prepared, and the pies are in the oven,
there is one last thing you should have ready – a list of topics that should
not be on the table along with the bountiful feast.
You know how it goes after everyone sits down at the
table; someone leads the party in saying “Grace,” and then as Dad will lift the
utensils to cut into the succulent steaming bird, Aunt Martha (on her third
glass of wine) inevitably will ask, “How about that Trump?”
Liberal cousin Leah drops her fork and starts going on
about how Donald Trump is a disgrace to the presidency and that she met
Elizabeth Warren and worked for Hillary’s campaign, and then Uncle Jack puts
down his can of beer and begins his defense of Trump. Oh yeah, just what you
wanted – the Thanksgiving Day free for all.
Every year brings with it the hot topics of the moment
but, even if the kids are sitting at the card tables in the corner, they can
hear everything being said, so these are items that are not meant for a general
group discussion. You don’t need Grandpa starting to talk about “this Harvey
Weinstein fella” any more than you need Aunt Tessie beginning to tell everyone
the “hundred and one ways” she hates Trump.
The Don’t
Go There List
That is why this year you have to begin working on a list
– to either be distributed as people enter the house or posted prominently near
the dining area – the Don’t Go There List. It will be a work in progress
(consider using a whiteboard and dry erase markers to add items as needed), but
you have to remember the personalities of the people who are coming and know
their allegiances. Unfortunately, you
may have a fairly even split of Republican red and Democrat blue among the
adults, which makes the creation of this list even more crucial.
Some topics that you may want to put on the list (subject
to change up until right before the doorbell rings) are as follows:
1.
Trump
2.
The Clintons
3.
Saturday
Night Live skits
4.
North Korea
5.
The Border Wall
6.
Uranium One
7.
Harvey Weinstein (and all others accused of sexual
misconduct)
8.
The Middle East
9.
Obama
10.
The Republican Tax Bill
11.
Recent shootings/gun control
12.
Keystone Pipeline
13.
Climate change
14.
Russian collusion
15.
Personal issues or disagreements
Number 15 must be included on the list because personal
matters can sometimes be the most contentious part of a holiday get together.
Unresolved issues like grandpa’s estate or who inherited the car or boat can
lead to emotional and heated discussions or even worse. It is best to put this
on the list and let everyone know that old family feuds are expected to be left
outside the front door.
That is a working list for now, but you can almost be certain
that either something will happen in the news or you will remember something
and need to add it to the list before it is done.
Some of your guests will be either insulted or annoyed
that you have taken this preventative measure, but you can say that you have
witnessed enough heated holiday screaming matches where even a turkey leg in
the wrong hands could become a lethal weapon, so that there was no other option
but creating the list.
You should be confident and ask your guests to stick to
complimenting the chef, talking about jobs or school, and mentioning the
accomplishments of their children throughout the year. These are safe conversational
topics. Usually someone will bring up those loved ones no longer with you, and
there will be tears shed as well as laughter as memories are evoked, but that
is infinitely better than the dinner table becoming a war zone.
With a few cocktails imbibed over appetizers in the
living room before moving to the festive table, chances are some loose lips
will attempt to sink your ship, but with the list you have this covered. There
can always be the loose cannon who gets a shot in when you least expect it, but
you know the usual suspects and will try to have a word or two with them before
everyone sits down to eat.
You want the perfect Thanksgiving – one where all your
guests are not only thankful for what they have but also for being together.
You wish it could be simpler as it was in the past when grandma used to cook
for 50 people and everyone got along, but these days it is more than likely
that you will have to keep the peace, and the Don't Go There List can help facilitate that.
Whether you choose to create your own list or plan on
just winging it (had to get a turkey reference in there), wishing you a controversy
free and Happy Thanksgiving!
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