Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Ten Years After – A Decade Without and 'With' My Mom

First appeared on Blogcritics.

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Sometimes it still seems incongruous in my life to even accept that my mother passed away ten years ago today. The thought of her not being in my life all those years, the lives of my children, and the rest of our family seems impossible to accept, for she had been so much a part of our lives when she was here. However, as the years have passed, I have gained strength not in being without her but knowing she is with me, with us, and the aura of her presence not only helps me get by but confirms the power of her spirit, the eternal aspect of her love.


Ma2Remembering all moments with her that I can recall, I also think about ones not remembered. When I see pictures of me with her when I was very small, I can see the sparkle of love in her eyes. I imagine what it was like to look up at her from the crib as she looked down on me; I know her face was glowing with love for me, and all the years of my life that unfolded from that time forward that was always the case – my mother’s countenance shone love all around me.

Growing up there were those mother and son moments that ranged from silly to sublime. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard as when Mom and I started joking about something together, and she had a marvelous sense of humor and most notably could laugh at herself. One time I walked in on her when she was sitting at her vanity after taking a shower, and her hair looked like a wet mop. She looked at my reflection in the mirror and pushed her hair all the way up above her head to look like a dunce’s cap and said, “Boo!” The sublime moments included our mother-son dance at my wedding, when we joked and laughed during the whole thing. Afterwards many people expressed amazement that there were no tears, but Mom told them that her happiness for me was so overwhelming that she couldn’t help but smile.

Sometimes there were difficult things we lived through, and at those times Mom was strong too even when she cried. There was also her battle with rheumatoid arthritis, which is such a debilitating disease and took a toll on her over the years as the disease worsened. Still, despite having tremendous pain sometimes, Mom always put on a brave and happy face, especially for the children in our family. Of course, whenever they visited her, it was very therapeutic and brought her great joy.

Ma3I recall sitting with Mom on the front porch either reading together or watching the world go by. Sometimes we would talk about the news, the family, or just about silly things. Mom also found a guilty pleasure in watching the neighbors, giving them all nicknames based on their quirks and behaviors. She would wave and smile at a couple as they walked by and then turn to me and whisper, “They’re always fighting.”  Mom loved her TV soap operas, but I think she really preferred the one that played out every day on her street.

Mostly now I think of all the many years of birthdays and holidays, of how Mom’s house was always home, a warm and nurturing bastion of love and safety. If I was feeling down, out, or hurt by the cruel world, I knew where I could go to receive love and understanding. It is an amazing thing to know you can go home again – and again and again – and Mom’s house was always my home until the day she passed away quietly there in her chair watching TV.

In the years since she died I have grown stronger in my love for her, knowing what she did for me in life and feeling what she does for me now after life. Her presence sometimes seems to be everywhere, and I know that she is actively with me and my children. A number of incidents that have happened have convinced me of this, most notably one time when my son was three. We were playing in the living room and he turned to me and asked me, “Who is the pretty lady on the stairs?” I glanced over and saw nothing and asked, “What lady?” He looked again and said, “She’s gone now.”

A few weeks later I was going through an old photo album with him, and he saw a picture of my mother taken right before she had married my father. My son pointed to it and said, “Dad, that’s the lady on the stairs.” A shiver went up and down my arms, meaning that I was electrified with happiness, knowing that she was truly with us because my son had never seen any pictures of my mother as a young woman before.

Other things have confirmed my mother’s presence to me, and that has helped me get stronger as the years have gone by. When I went to her grave for Mother’s Day this year, I discovered that I could finally go there and not bawl like I used to. As I was standing there I remembered us dancing at my wedding and the luminescent glow in her face that enveloped me with love that day, and at that moment at the grave that same light seemed to be all around me.

So ten years have come and gone, but today I choose to celebrate Mom’s life and not mourn her passing. Her gentle and loving presence in my life helped me though every day of it, even during these last ten years. Mom taught me to love, to laugh, to treat others well, and to cherish my family. She didn’t just tell me how to do these things, she showed me the way, and she is still guiding me as she takes my hand into her evanescent one and leads me through the day and lights my path even in the darkest hours.

I love you, Mom, now and forevermore!

Monday, May 30, 2016

Memorial Day Is For Honoring Those Who Served – Not Politics, Barbecues, and Shopping

First appeared on Blogcritics.

memor1 cnn
Every year I get a little misty around this time, thinking about all those Memorial Days past when I celebrated with family members who are no longer with me. Of course, despite these loved ones and friends passing on, they are never really gone. The essence of their lives hangs all about me, and when going to see our local Memorial Day parade, I feel them with every beat of my heart as the bands march and pound drums, fire trucks glisten in the sunshine, and old soldiers go by refusing to fade away.

Despite all the pomp and the circumstance of having the holiday, I find that each year more people don’t realize why we celebrate. Never mind their not knowing the difference between Decoration Day (first celebrated May 30, 1868) and Memorial Day, as it became an official national holiday in 1971 to be celebrated on the last Monday in May.

Going way back to ancient Greece there was a notion of honoring those who died in battle, and a practice began of decorating the graves of those soldiers lost. In the United States the idea gained momentum after the Civil War, and thus Decoration Day came to be practiced even though it was not an official holiday.

Hawaiian Senator Daniel Inoyue (a World War II veteran) proposed a resolution in Congress to return Memorial Day to May 30 in 1987 (and every year after that until his death in 2012). He noted”Instead of using Memorial Day as a time to honor and reflect on the sacrifices made by Americans in combat, many Americans use the day as a celebration of the beginning of summer.” Sadly, this is truer than ever now, and it’s also an ideal opportunity to run “Memorial” sales across the country. No doubt many more people are out shopping, having a barbecue, or visiting a local beach than watching parades and honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

Despite all these other distractions, Memorial Day is still a necessary and compelling holiday to be celebrated with vigor, one which should be void of politics though many will take advantage of it as an opportunity to advance an agenda. The main purpose of Memorial Day rises above partisan trappings – we are honoring these brave men and women not because they were Democrats, Republicans, or Libertarians, but for their service to this country in the Armed Forces.

As the years pass those lost in war are forgotten by the living, mostly because their friends and loved ones have also passed on. They are faceless names found on monuments in town squares, honored for their ultimate sacrifice in wars fought too long ago for many to remember. The millions of dead – from Valley Forge to Gettysburg to San Juan Hill to the Argonne to Omaha Beach to Bloody Ridge (Korea) to the Tet Offensive (Vietnam), and in battles in those wars more fresh in our collective memories (the First Gulf War and then Iraq and Afghanistan) – are silent now in their resting places; therefore, we are called to honor them for their service despite how we feel about presidents and representatives that we may blame for initiating conflicts.

Many of our fathers didn’t want to join the Armed Forces during a war, nor did our grandfathers before them. Most of our grandfathers, fathers, brothers, cousins, and friends didn’t want to be dropped into war zones; however, there are those brave individuals who didn’t wait to be drafted and volunteered before they got the call. Millions more got their draft notices, reported for duty, and served honorably. Many of them didn’t come home, and Memorial Day is about noting that sacrifice while letting the partisan crap go, at least for one day a year.

Dad paris 1Over the years I got to speak to many veterans through my father’s involvement in the local Veterans of Foreign Wars Post. Dad served in World War II and many of his friends at the VFW had as well. I also got to talk to World War I vets (including my grandfather), as well as those from the Korean and Vietnam Wars. Listening to their stories was fascinating, but I think the way they told them was as compelling as the tales themselves.

None of these men ever spoke about politics – ever! No one blamed Woodrow Wilson, FDR, Harry Truman, Lyndon Johnson, or Richard Nixon for having to go overseas. They spoke of the horrors they saw, the courage of their buddies, those they lost, and how lucky they were to come home to America. There is – I can only imagine – no politics in the foxhole as bombs are going off all around you; there is only the thought of making it back alive.

memor2 cnnSo when I watch the parade today I will not be wondering about the politics of those who are marching. When the sea of American flags will wave against the blue sky, they are the emblems of all Americans – whatever their politics, their race, their religion, and gender. I will see, as I do every year, the firefighters and police who fight different kinds of wars at home; I will see the school bands with their brass instruments shining in the sun, the Boy and Girl Scouts, the schools and sports teams with their banners, and the service members in their old uniforms either walking or sitting in vintage cars, waving to an appreciative crowd that cheers them all on.

It’s about bringing everyone together and nothing about tearing anyone apart, about communities all across the nation finding something bigger than them to honor because by doing so we show we are better than those who bicker and argue and try to divide. Mostly, it is a day for all those who served their country and especially for those who never came home. That is what Memorial Day is all about and should be forevermore, even after there are no more wars to be fought, no more soldiers lost, and peace is no longer a fantasy.

Photo credits: CNN

Friday, May 27, 2016

Obama in Hiroshima – ‘Never Again’ Takes On New Meaning This Memorial Day

First appeared on Blogcritics.


President Barack Obama visited the site of the first atomic bomb detonation in Hiroshima, Japan, and by doing so became the first sitting United States president to go there. He took the opportunity to call for “a world without nuclear weapons.” This poignant moment at the center or ground zero of the blast, where now stands the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park, resonates as something historical and reinforces the concept of “Never Again” that has been used many times before in regard to other incomprehensible events.

hiro2 cnnThe symbolic significance of having this moment occur close to America’s celebration of Memorial Day – when we honor our men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country – cannot be overlooked. While we can think of the ruins and the catastrophic loss of life caused by that blast, we also recall Americans lost at Pearl Harbor and throughout the long and arduous years of World War II, causing both Japanese and Americans to understandably embrace the words “Never Again” with vigor.

21 years ago in August 1995 (the 50th anniversary of the blast) I visited Japan and went to Hiroshima. I missed the actual ceremony by several days, but in a way this gave me a chance to have a much more quiet and contemplative visit. It is overwhelming to stand there, to stare at the remnants of the former Museum of Science and Industry and the resilient twisted skeleton of its dome that was the only thing to survive the atomic blast, and think, “My country was responsible for this.”

However, as I sat and thought about so many lost lives, I also thought back over those fifty years to a young American soldier in Paris, France. My father, who spoke fluent French, was working with the forestry service to locate and disarm undetonated bombs in the region. One morning as he started to go out into the field, he was called into his commander’s office and was told the bad news – “Pack up, we’re all going to the Pacific to prepare for an invasion of Japan.”

Dad paris 2When I spoke to Dad about this event years later, he showed me a photograph of him visiting the grave of a friend whom he lost on D-Day. Since he was part of that day’s events, Dad always recalled it as the worst day of his life. Now he looked at me with dry eyes and said, “Invading Japan would have required a hundred D-Days.” And as I stared at that photograph, I knew he also meant that the number of Americans who would have died would have been magnified beyond comprehension.

So when I went to Japan I had this story in my mind, knowing that when President Truman approved dropping the atomic bombs on Hiroshima on August 6, 1945, and then on Nagasaki three days later, he probably saved my father’s life and the lives of hundreds of thousands of American soldiers.

While I walked around the area of the memorial I came across a makeshift shrine, where origami messages were left along with some pictures of those who had died that fateful day. I saw a young Japanese man around my own age standing with an older woman, and they had left something on the scaffold and as they walked away they noticed me. I spoke to them for a time and the man told me that his mother had survived the blast as a little girl, and as we were talking I watched the woman’s watery eyes as she looked at me, and I started wondering if she blamed me.

Her son, who spoke fluent English, said, “She cries because of what our country did made your country do this to us.” He went on to say that there was more shame than blame, and that now “Japan loves America” and “America should love Japan. We have peace now.”
All these years later as I watched President Obama on TV, I noted that he said something about Japan and America having “not only an alliance but a friendship,” and that makes sense to me now, as incongruous as those words probably would have been to the young man back in Paris in 1945 who dreaded being shipped off to Japan.

Watching Mr. Obama placing a wreath at the memorial, I thought of the words that young Japanese man had said to me, and there did seem to be something serenely peaceful about the moment, a resonance that connected to what my father had said, “None of us wanted to go to Japan.” The only way my father would not end up kneeling before many more crosses – or having to lie beneath one – was when the unthinkable became a reality and we dropped those bombs, instruments of destruction that proved so frightening that (hopefully) no one would ever want to use another one again.

hiro3 cnnAfter President Obama and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe spoke, Mr. Obama had an opportunity to meet Sunao Tsuboi and Shigeaki Mori – two of the blast survivors who were there for the ceremony. Later Tsuboi said that he held the president’s hand and they didn’t need an interpreter noting, “I could understand what he wanted to say by his expression.” What a rare opportunity this moment captured – one of acceptance, understanding, and compassion.

My father is gone now, but I would have liked to hear what he had to say about Obama’s visit because I valued my Dad’s opinion more than anything. I have a feeling though that he would have liked the idea of promoting peace and closure after all these years, of taking a stand on wanting to prevent something like Hiroshima and Nagasaki from ever happening again anywhere in the world, because after what he had experienced, I know he never wanted anyone to ever have to go through that kind of horror again.

hiro1 cnnOn Memorial Day we honor all those who didn’t make it home, and I count my blessings that my father lived through a war that many did not – all those men and women lying silently beneath those crosses in Europe and all over the world, those who never came home in order for us to still have one.

As Mr. Obama recognized the Japanese losses at Hiroshima and the event that caused them, there is a resonance for Americans who are remembering their own losses this Memorial Day weekend. We can symbolically join hands now with the Japanese and vow to work toward a world where nothing like that will ever happen, a world of peace for our children and generations to come where “Never Again” is a reality.

Photo credits: CNN

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Clinton’s Emails vs. Trump’s Big Mouth – In the End None of This Will Matter for Voters

First appeared on Blogcritics.


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At this point you either like or loathe the “presumptive” Democratic or Republican candidate. The upcoming journey to the White House will be like a battle royale, and you can liken it to the films Batman vs. Superman or Captain America: Civil War, but the opposite sides in both those movies were probably much more genial than either Mrs. Clinton or Mr. Trump. This is not just a battle but a bloody, no-holds barred conflict where the last man or woman standing may be as damaged as the opponent left lying on the floor.

In recent days we have had the State Department’s inspector general report that has thrown Mrs. Clinton not only under the bus but several tractor trailers as well. An editorial in The Washington Post boldly cites “Clinton’s willful, inexcusable disregard for the rules” and urges the FBI to “finish its own investigation” in order to get everything out in the open for voters. Clearly, if ever Mrs. Clinton was going to feel the heat from what she once dismissed as no big deal, it is now.

Yet one wonders how much this bothers anyone who is already firmly in Mrs. Clinton’s camp. While Bernie Sanders’s supporters are clearly enjoying this and will use it to their advantage wherever possible, those who love Hillary will continue to do so.

donhil1-cnnHillary has been through it all – especially standing alongside her husband Bill Clinton. Her supporters recognize the hell that Hillary descended into, the disgrace that she has had to accept, and yet she kept on moving forward and holding her head high. In their minds she has shown grace under pressure – and then some – and, after all she has been through, doesn’t she deserve their support and a shot at the Oval Office?

On the Republican side of this debacle we wait each day to see what Donald Trump will say next. Recently, in response to a blistering attack by Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Massachusetts), Trump dismissively called her “the Indian” and “Pocahontas” – in reference to an ongoing debate as to whether or not Warren is Native American. In the past he has said disparaging things about other women, most notably Carly Fiorina, Rosie O’Donnell, and Megyn Kelly.

donhil2Trump has even gone as far as to say that if his daughter Ivanka were not his daughter that he would have probably dated her. While such a statement coming from anyone else would seem totally bizarre and unusual, coming from Donald Trump it is business as usual.

Those who are preparing to vote for Trump do not care about what he says and does – they are voting for him anyway; in fact, the more outrageous Trump’s comments get, the more enamored with him his supporters seem to become. It is truly one of the most bizarre political situations any of us have seen in our lifetimes – even those old enough to remember saying “I Like Ike.”

On the sidelines Democratic candidate – the still in the race and not going anywhere Bernie Sanders – stands tall in comparison to the other two people left in the ring. As Trump and Clinton keep duking it out and getting most of the attention, Bernie stands his ground and continues making his case to the American people. Unfortunately, we rarely get to see coverage of anything Bernie does because the “presumptives” are stealing all the thunder. What this says about the complicity (or perhaps the duplicity) of the media needs to be left for another article.

In the Twilight Zone category, there is word that Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders could participate in a debate prior to the June 7 primary in California without Mrs. Clinton. This is where Rod Serling should come out smoking a cigarette and saying, “Submit it for your approval” right?

How fitting would it be to have the two candidates dubbed as “The Outsiders” debating one another without Hillary – the insider’s insider? It would be raucous, unscripted, and unprecedented – and a ratings bonanza for FOX News. We will have to stay tuned to see if this ever materializes.

At this point the plot doesn’t just thicken but slows to a crawl. There are so many variables, so many ways this thing can twist and turn as we head into summer and the Republican and Democratic National Conventions. These are clearly divisive times and the candidates are probably the most polarizing ones we have ever seen, so the opportunities for opponents and protestors to shake the summer seem to be many.

In the end though Clinton’s rogue emails and Trump’s big mouth are not aberrations or anomalies – they are par for the course. These two candidates have their fervent supporters, and nothing – absolutely nothing – is going to shake their resolve when they go into the booth to vote in November.

The dark horse – and the presumptive pain in the tuchus for either the Republican or Democratic candidate – is Mr. Bernie Sanders. His supporters are just as fervent as Mrs. Clinton’s and Mr. Trump’s, and they will be the ones (along with Independent voters) to tip the scales in this election. Which way will they go is at this point about as unpredictable as the next crazy thing to come out of Mr. Trump’s mouth, so stay tuned.

Photo credits: cnn, fox news

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Mister Ed TV Star Alan Young Dies

First appeared on Blogcritics.

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When I heard that Alan Young, human star of the TV series Mister Ed had died at 96, I felt genuine sadness. Young played the bumbling but genial Wilbur Post, owner of a talking horse named Ed, in the series that ran from 1960-1966. If you are of a certain age, you watched this show as a kid and had no trouble believing that Ed could not only talk but out maneuver his human owner in every situation.

Young had a appeared on many other shows and even won an Emmy for The Alan Young Show, but his real ticket to fame would be playing straight man to a palomino that was like Samantha to his Darrin (from the old Bewitched sitcom with only Darrin knowing that his wife was a witch).

The most enjoyable but frustrating part of the show was that no one else ever heard Ed speak. So there was always this, “Who are you talking to, Wilbur?” situation when someone walked into the barn mid conversation between horse and man. The flustered Wilbur would then have to explain things – again and again – while Ed neighed and whinnied in his stall like a sly equine fox.

Ed always got himself into precarious situations that would require Wilbur’s intervention. Sometimes he would order something extravagant over the phone or say something rude that would be overheard by other humans, and it was usually Wilbur who suffered the consequences.

Ed (the voice of old cowboy star Allan Lane) had a distinctive and authoritative voice, and when he would drool, “Hello, Wilbur,” it was both funny and condescending – always a case of the horse showing the man who was boss. Ed also had a soft spot for Wilbur’s extremely pretty wife Carol (Connie Hines) who always seemed to think that her husband was rather eccentric or bumbling due to his tendency for pratfalls.

Ed also delighted in taunting Roger Addison (a perfectly cast Larry Keating) as the slightly haughty next door neighbor who (like nosy Mrs. Kravitz in Bewitched) knew something was up in that barn but had no idea that Ed was a talking horse.

Somehow or other Young was able to come off as the kind and affable guy with a talking horse, straight man to a palomino. It was clear that Wilbur not only loved Ed but that Ed loved Wilbur despite his taunting.

I think of the show fondly now and feel sad to know Alan Young is gone. You may think that a show about a talking horse was pure silliness, but it worked for six seasons of course, of course.

Rest in peace, Alan Young.

Photo credit: CNN

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

TV News: 24: Legacy – The Clock Will Be Ticking Without Jack Bauer

First appeared on Blogcritics.

When we last saw stalwart 24 anti-hero Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland), he had selflessly traded himself for tech wiz and his only friend left in the world Chloe (Mary Lynn Rajskub) and was being taken in a helicopter to Moscow where he most definitely didn’t have a dinner date with Vladimir Putin. This was in the last incarnation of the series known as 24: Live Another Day.

24legacy-ep101sc86-rm00353hires1jpg-6da78a_765wNow FOX, in announcing its prime time lineup for the 2016-2017 season, reveals that there will indeed be another pressure filled 24 hours for fans of the series, but it will not include Bauer. Sutherland, along with other 24 vets Howard Gordon, Manny Coto, and Evan Katz, will all serve as Executive Producers of the series, so we can be assured that the pedigree that we have come to know and love will be intact.

This series will cover the 24 hours in 12 episodes, just as Live Another Day did, meaning each week two hours will elapse in one hour instead of having 24 one-hour episodes as in the original series. This “real time” format is one of the elements that made 24 groundbreaking in the beginning, as well as the sometimes complex – and at other times rather annoying – plots and subplots that could seem to take forever (even though it was ostensibly 24 hours) to resolve.

jack-bauerThe fact that Bauer and his CTU counterparts were fighting terrorists in the aftermath of 9-11 was compelling and timely, and each season Jack’s human nature eroded a little more, especially as he kept losing friends and loved ones. By the time Jack got to Live Another Day, he had become a killing machine and his humanity – whatever shards that were left – surfaces occasionally, as when he sacrifices himself for Chloe.

In the new series we get a new hero in Eric Carter (Corey Hawkins of Straight Outta Compton) as a war hero who returns home with more baggage than a 747. Like Bauer in the early episodes, Carter has a wife whom he loves and wants to protect. The trailer provided by FOX makes it clear that this is not going to be easy, and if the series follows the format previously established, Carter's wife and any subsequent paramours won't be around too long.

Since this is 24 there will be the behind the scenes machinations with politicians as well as putting Carter in imminent and constant danger in the field as he tries to stop yet another terrorist threat. Carter will also be involved with a new version of CTU, the counter-terrorist organization that Bauer once led and that eventually hunted him as if he were as bad (or worse) as the terrorists.

Credit FOX with casting Hawkins (for diversity as well as someone as different as possible than Sutherland's Jack)  in the lead role and for going with any entirely new cast. It is a brave and necessary and compelling choice, for any remnants of the old gang would hamper the potential success of the proceedings.

My one gripe is that they held on to the “real time” format. No matter how iconic that old clicking down clock was on 24, it also became a hindrance in later seasons and prevented the story from going in different directions that it could have if not locked into the 24-hour format. Jack couldn't board a trans-Atlantic flight, go cross country, or even have time to grab a snack or go to the bathroom. It seems likely Carter will be in the same restrictive and cumbersome position this time around.

24_LEGACY_1463416016738_2628000_1280x720_686637635901As a fan of the series I am happy to get any version of 24 back, though I am sure the purists are going to be crying about Jack Bauer’s absence. The thing is that Bauer’s ghost is going to be hovering over every second of this series and, as Hawkins establishes himself as the next 24 hero, he will either be able to shake off the Bauer sawdust and sing, “I ain’t afraid of no ghost” or the poor guy will be haunted by a specter that keeps saying “Damn it!”

FOX has positioned the premiere episode to debut directly after the Super Bowl in February 2017, and after that the show will move into the usual 24 Monday time slot. Hopefully that will be the kind of kick-off Hawkins and company will need to get 24: Legacy all the way down field for a touchdown the series' fans want and need.

Until then, I will sign off as I always did when reviewing all those episodes from 2001-2010 seasons and 2014's 24: Live Another Day – Klaatu Barada Nikto!

Photo credits: FOX



Monday, May 16, 2016

Please Don’t Cut and Paste This Post

First appeared on Blogcritics.


We have all fallen victim to a subtle form of social media bullying found on Facebook or other venues when we have been basically told to “share” or “cut and paste” something. We are told if we do not do this, we really aren’t someone’s friend and something diabolical as a Sith Lord from Star Wars.

On Facebook my friend Karin responded to this never ending barrage of calls to “share” and “cut and paste” by calling out everyone who asks her to do this. Being a cancer survivor herself, it is not that she is unsympathetic to those who ask to do these things for everything from Alzheimer’s disease to zygomycosis. She rightly notes that this is “a form of bullying even if that was not the intention.”

cut2cnnWe also get similar emails from people who are pushing one agenda or another. When I see the sender’s address sometimes I already know it’s today’s latest bashing of Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, or Donald Trump. It doesn’t end there because I get a plethora of emails regarding all sorts of topics, and it’s always the same thing: “Send this back to me when forwarding to others,” and then the cryptic warning noting “if you hit delete, I’ll know where you stand.”

I hate to break it to all the people who seem to have so much time on their hands that they can forward all this content to everyone on their contact list or on social media multiple times on a daily basis – we respect your opinions but are not here to be your conduit to getting them out to even more unsuspecting individuals. It is incredulous to think that people should do this because of friendship and that the very nature of that relationship hinges on doing your bidding.

cut1ABCThis brings to mind the Facebook “cut and paste” hoax of a few years back that circulated for a while. The basic gist was that anyone who cut and pasted something on Facebook – stories, personal photos, and other material – was surrendering copyright to Facebook. While that turned out to be unfounded, it sort of brings up the whole notion of what are we doing cutting and pasting someone else’s post and making it seem like our own.

I have to admit that sometimes I have felt pressured to “cut and paste” because an old buddy, relative, or someone I care about has asked to me to do so. I have even acquiesced on occasion, but later on I have thought about it and wondered why I did. Even if I am “sharing” someone else’s post, there is a more than likely chance that the people reading it are going to think that I generated this thing (even if it states that I shared someone else’s posted material).

So seeing Karin’s post today on Facebook got me thinking that I too have felt pressured – and what is bullying but pressuring someone to do something that they do not want to do – to share or cut and paste, and like the not so crazy Howard Beale (Peter Finch) from the movie Network, I’m standing up and saying, “I’m mad as hell and not going to take this anymore.”

So to all my friends, relatives, and associated persons, please understand that I am not going to share, cut and paste, or in any other way disseminate your messages of love, hate, anxiety, and fear. Please do not send me religious emails with flickering candles that warn me that I must forward and return to you when I do. Please don’t warn me that by not sending these things that I will be punished and the only way to reap the rewards is by sending it on. 

Please don’t ask me to forward your jokes, your angry rants or someone else’s angry rants. I am happy to read and consider what you send, but when I hit delete it’s not the end of the world but rather the end of my interest in what has been sent.

I guess I am being rather anti-social about social media, but so be it. The truth is that I go online to connect with people and see how they are doing. Like anyone else I will “like” something I find interesting, moving, or meaningful; however, if I come across something that is inappropriate or offensive, I don’t go out of my way to post a negative comment or click “Like” and then choose the “angry” symbol; I merely keep scrolling like a swimmer trying to get quickly out of the undertow.

On occasion I will share something I find meaningful – usually George Takei's and Julian Lennon’s posts – and that will continue; however, I never have any expectations regarding what I share or like and hope for none in return. I will continue to do the same with emails of things of a similar nature, but I never have or nor I ever will ask anyone to share something and base our connection on whether or not a person does so.

The online world should be a better place than it is and, just like the real world out there, it is up to us to make a difference. Here’s hoping that anyone who has read this will take it from whence it came and in the good spirit behind it. If this article bothers you, please feel free to “unfriend” me or stop sending me emails; I’ll miss your connection but will understand.

Photo credits:  CNN, ABC News

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

No Selfie Awareness

First appeared on Blogcritics.

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I see it all the time in the most unusual places – someone stopping to take a selfie. Sometimes it is a dangerous situation like the edge of a subway platform or a street corner with buses and trucks whizzing by. I am amazed by the general lack of concern regarding personal safety in an effort to capture one’s image for some purpose – perhaps it is a chronicle of life as it unfolds but in some cases it could be as life ends, and that’s rather disturbing.

According to Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary, self-awareness is “knowledge and awareness of your own personality or character” that one would suspect comes from some kind of introspection. On a deeper level it should allow people to understand themselves better through self-study of their behavior, feelings, and beliefs.

“Selfie-awareness” is a completely different thing. The drive to take one’s photo in every possible daily situation seems the antithesis of self-awareness. There is no introspection involved in taking a selfie, especially in totally awkward or inappropriate situations (like taking one at a funeral or in the bathroom).

self2-foxnewsConsider the story of Deanna Pilling, a Manhattan mother who traveled to Utah State University to pick up daughter Mckenna after she completed her freshman year at the school. Wanting to surprise the girl in a novel way, Deanna went into her dorm room and took a selfie while lying on the girl’s bed. Unfortunately, Deanna was in the wrong room causing much embarrassment for her daughter.

Why you may ask would this woman find a need to take this picture and send it? Mckenna (apparently not that embarrassed) tweeted the photo and it has now gone viral – but there was obviously not an ounce of thought process involved here, proving that selfie-awareness is obliviousness at its nadir.

We have seen all kinds of selfies over the years, many from celebrities that are confounding because we wonder why these over exposed individuals crave even more exposure. How many times do we need to see Kim Kardashian in various states of undress? At this point it has gone beyond selfie-awareness to perhaps self-obsession, but Kim is not alone. The whole world it would seem is now consumed with the selfie.

According to Forbes Magazine citing a United Nations report, 7 billion people on this planet now have cell phones – more than those 4.5 billion with access to flushing toilets. This means more people can take a selfie than those who can take a comfort break on a toilet bowl. Obviously, communication seems to be more important than sanitation for a great many individuals.

How many of those 7 billion are taking selfies everyday can only be estimated, but judging from what I see on a daily basis here in New York, there must be billions and billions of images being snapped all over the globe. New York is a major tourist destination, but the locals are just as guilty as visitors of taking selfies all over the city.

While we are more connected than ever through phones that can track our every movement and then broadcast it across the planet, there seems to be an increasing distance among people. We walk around looking at our phones instead of talking to people. We sit in parks and on beaches staring down at our devices instead of looking at the view. In restaurants people are checking their phones constantly instead of engaging in a discussion with their dining companions. Even in my own home I have been watching TV and turn to notice everyone else looking at a device instead of what’s on the screen, never mind turning everything off and having an actual conversation.

At this point the selfie has become a liability. Our desire to chronicle everything – and sometimes it seems truly to be everything – has taken us to a place of emotional oblivion. While wanting to capture every moment we have lost the ability to appreciate the seconds, minutes, and hours of our lives in a tangible way.

Instead of sending a selfie of you eating a slice of pizza, why not put the camera down and enjoy eating it. Forget the selfie standing in front of the ocean; turn around, breathe the air, and appreciate the beautiful view. By wanting to show the world everything we are doing we are diminishing it; the story we hope to tell is reduced to images that in the end mean nothing, fractals of our lives that add up to nada.

author5I have been guilty of taking a selfie here and there, but in the end they are no doubt like most selfies – deleted by the receiver, multiplied images that inevitably have a factor of zero. Guaranteed that is the fate of most selfies, except ones like the one tweeted by Mckenna Pilling, and then they go viral and become part of the vast unwashed sea of infamous selfies that will be eventually forgotten as well.

I am not sure where the world is going in 2016, but selfie awareness tends to make me think the picture is no longer worth a thousand words. If that is the case, selfies have been even more detrimental to the world than we can even imagine.

Photo credits: CNN, FOX News

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Marking Ten Mother’s Days Since Losing My Mom

First appeared on Blogcritics.

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Mom with me when I was around 2 years old.
To quote Dickens, “It was the best of times and it was the worst of times” these last ten years since my mother passed away. “The best” moments involved my own children growing up during this time; “the worst” is that they are doing so without her.

All the events that take place in a decade – the birthdays, graduations, holidays, dance recitals, soccer and baseball games – are things I wish she could have attended, but I do believe in my heart that she has been there all the time in spirit. Still, it’s not the same for my children who wish their grandma was there to hug, kiss, and to praise them.

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Mom, Aunt Ruth, and Aunt Margie
Mom was one of three sisters, and we lost them over this time as well (Aunt Margie passing a few months before her and Aunt Ruth passing in 2015). The three sisters were such a team – though each had friends they were each other’s best friends. Their unbreakable bond was such that even in sickness and eventually death they were connected.

Many years ago when I went to my young nephew’s party, one of his friends saw my Mom and aunts getting out of the car and he said, “Your three grandmas are here.” In essence only one of them was his grandmother, but they all loved their nieces and nephews so much that it seemed as if they were all grandparents to them.

Besides the obvious things I miss about Mom, there are all those moments shared between mother and son – indelible minutes and hours where she and I spoke, laughed, hugged, and cried. During good and bad times Mom always would listen, would never judge, and offered advice in a gentle and loving way – usually I took it.

Then there are those times before I can remember, those intimate mother and child ones that I wish had been recorded in my mind if not on film. I have enough still photographs, ones showing the love in her eyes and the pride in her smile. I know how much she loved me, and the vacant feeling in my heart that her loss created has not been assuaged even after ten years. I doubt it ever will.

Still, this is Mother’s Day which means it is not about me – it is about my wife, the mother of my children, and the sadness inside me will have to stay there quietly because we are celebrating her today (and all the other members of the family who are mothers). I will make merry with them because I know the integral role a mother plays in a family and how a mother takes a house and makes it into a home, and that should be celebrated.

On this day I miss Mom, her sisters, and my grandmothers – they were all strong women, yet loving and gentle in their strength. Each affected my life in so many tangible ways, but perhaps the intangible ones are the most lasting – the evanescence of their hugs and kisses and laughter hangs in the air all around me.

I always tell my kids that “Grandma is watching over you,” and I do believe that as much today as I did ten years ago. I know that she is with me, and in fleeting moments I feel her in a room – a cool draft or the scent of her perfume. One time a few months after she died, I walked into her bedroom to look for something and her stereo went on - Nat King Cole began singing "Unforgettable" (one of her favorite songs), and I knew Mom was there with me.

Other times outdoors it can be wind chimes followed by a ladybug landing on my arm. Mom always told me to make a wish and blow the ladybug away and it will come true. This has happened often enough over the years, and some of my lady bug wishes have come true. I like knowing Mom keeps sending those ladybugs my way.

I did go to her grave and place flowers there, and I know that she is not there, but I do this out of respect as my father taught me. She is here; she is there, and she is truly everywhere, and I take comfort in that. I still miss her terribly, and ten years and even ten more after that will not stop me from missing Mom; that is forevermore just like her love.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Movie Review: Captain America: Civil War – How Do You Choose a Side? 

First appeared on Blogcritics.

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When you were a kid you used to dream about a movie like Captain America: Civil War but never believed it could happen – getting all your favorite characters into one film to go up against the forces of evil. Well, directors Joe and Anthony Russo must have had those dreams too and brought it all together with a kick-ass story and a stellar cast. Captain America: Civil War is the stuff kids’ dreams are made of.

Of course, this is an Avengers movie in essence, though the title tells us it’s a Captain America film, and in truth, it is because Steve Rogers/Captain America (Chris Evans) is at the center of this story, pitted up against Robert Downey’s Tony Stark in what seems like an inconceivable battle, but all the incongruity of Avenger fighting Avenger is explained and the battle of super friends really does make sense.

There is a danger in any movie that has so many characters, especially daunting ones like Stark and Rogers who have carried their own films but are now part of Marvel’s ever expanding brand, to lose something in the process. It is now almost a given that there can no longer be a standalone movie with any of the Avengers characters only because it is inconceivable that at least one or more of the others wouldn’t get involved to some degree; luckily there is nothing to be worried about here.

The plot is solid and sets up the “Civil War” deftly as we see Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier (Sebastian Stan) being revived from the deep freeze back in 1991 Siberia to take on a super-secret mission. We flash forward to the present time and the Avengers are trying to stop Crossbones (Frank Grillo) and others from stealing a biological weapon in the African country of Wakanda. When captured by Rogers, Crossbones detonates a bomb to kill them both, but when Wanda/Scarlett Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) tries to move the blast away from Rogers she accidentally kills innocent civilians in a building.

635927855231765983-TRA0880-v012.1025-2What follows is the premise as to why the Avengers will break into factions. Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross (William Hurt) informs them of the UN Sokovia Accords (ratified by 117 countries) that will provide checks and balances for the team. Stark believes it is necessary (considering his complicity in the Ultron disaster in that country) and Rogers thinks it will inhibit their abilities to help people. Thus the conflict begins.

The two sides align behind Stark (Black Widow, War Machine, Vision, and new recruits Black Panther and Spider-Man) and Rogers (Falcon, Barnes, Scarlett Witch, Ant Man, and Hawkeye). If this appears a little too conveniently and evenly balanced it is, but each character’s reasoning for taking sides is understood.

This sets the table for a battle between the two sides that seems incongruous considering the history of the group; however, the luxury of a film 147 minutes long is that this ensemble cast actually gets time for each character’s motivations to make sense, and new additions Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman) and Spider-Man (Tom Holland) particularly get moments to shine.

Of course, all is not as it would seem here, and although Stark and his team are trying to bring in Winter Soldier for his crimes and Rogers is out to stop them, the real villain behind everything is a Sokovian named Zemo (David Bruhl) who sets these events in motion but also – as is usually the case with Marvel villains – has distinct reasons why he feels his cause is a just one.

The script by Christopher Marcus and Stephen McFeely is filled with great dialogue and, in particular, humor even during battle sequences. When the very young Spider-Man calls The Empire Strikes Back an old movie and uses it to demonstrate how to defeat an opponent in the same way Luke Skywalker took down the AT-AT attackers, it is quite hilarious.

635927830827125544-SP-35243-ROverall, this film could have been called Captain America-Iron Man: Civil War because Downey has almost as much screen time as Evans, but that is not a criticism. The core of the film is the battle between the two old friends who both have deep connections to events that motivate their actions. It is a battle of wills and brawn, but is not a question of will the best man win, but rather will they not kill one another?

Cinematographer Trent Opaloch’s ability to capture the breadth and scope of this film, including massive battle sequences, and Henry Jackman’s rousing score set a pace what seems for the most part like a theme park ride that only accelerates. However, there are moments when the velocity slows down enough to give us scene gems like Stark going to Peter Parker’s Queens apartment to recruit him for the team and when Vision (Paul Bettany) attempts to cook for Wanda.

This film doesn’t redefine the genre or even try to do anything different; rather, it elevates what a film based on comics can be to new heights and also leaves the door open for more to come from these characters we have come to know, and for the most part, love (Downey’s Stark does sometimes grate on the nerves a bit).

If you are looking for action, adventure, and a story that makes sense, then Captain America: Civil War is the movie for you and an ideal one to kick-off your summer movie season. The one thing that will be difficult to do is to “choose a side” as the promos suggest because both sides contain characters that seem to be doing the right thing and for the right reasons. How many movies have you seen lately that can make you say that?

Photo Credits: Disney Films