Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Thanksgiving Conversation Guidelines – Having a Trump-free Dinner!

This fourth Thursday in November people all over the country will sit down to the big dinner that should bring everyone together. While you want and hope for that idyllic Norman Rockwell kind of celebration, there are always issues simmering under the surface – ranging from political to personal – and the last thing you want is for your hopes for a wonderful time by all dashed due to verbal disagreements that get out of control.

There is so much work in preparing for Thanksgiving Day dinner, but it is always worth the effort because the prospect of seeing some people you love and have not seen in almost a year is exciting. Once the big bird is cooked, the side dishes are all prepared, and the pies are in the oven, there is one last thing you should have ready – a list of topics that should not be on the table along with the bountiful feast.

You know how it goes after everyone sits down at the table; someone leads the party in saying “Grace,” and then as Dad will lift the utensils to cut into the succulent steaming bird, Aunt Martha (on her third glass of wine) inevitably will ask, “How about that Trump?”

Liberal cousin Leah drops her fork and starts going on about how Donald Trump is a disgrace to the presidency and that she met Elizabeth Warren and worked for Hillary’s campaign, and then Uncle Jack puts down his can of beer and begins his defense of Trump. Oh yeah, just what you wanted – the Thanksgiving Day free for all.

Every year brings with it the hot topics of the moment but, even if the kids are sitting at the card tables in the corner, they can hear everything being said, so these are items that are not meant for a general group discussion. You don’t need Grandpa starting to talk about “this Harvey Weinstein fella” any more than you need Aunt Tessie beginning to tell everyone the “hundred and one ways” she hates Trump.

The Don’t Go There List

That is why this year you have to begin working on a list – to either be distributed as people enter the house or posted prominently near the dining area – the Don’t Go There List. It will be a work in progress (consider using a whiteboard and dry erase markers to add items as needed), but you have to remember the personalities of the people who are coming and know their allegiances.  Unfortunately, you may have a fairly even split of Republican red and Democrat blue among the adults, which makes the creation of this list even more crucial.

Some topics that you may want to put on the list (subject to change up until right before the doorbell rings) are as follows:

  1.   Trump
  2.   The Clintons
  3.   Saturday Night Live skits
  4.   North Korea
  5.   The Border Wall
  6.   Uranium One
  7.   Harvey Weinstein (and all others accused of sexual misconduct)
  8.   The Middle East
  9.   Obama
 10.                The Republican Tax Bill
 11.                Recent shootings/gun control
 12.                Keystone Pipeline
 13.                Climate change
 14.                Russian collusion 
 15.                Personal issues or disagreements

Number 15 must be included on the list because personal matters can sometimes be the most contentious part of a holiday get together. Unresolved issues like grandpa’s estate or who inherited the car or boat can lead to emotional and heated discussions or even worse. It is best to put this on the list and let everyone know that old family feuds are expected to be left outside the front door.

That is a working list for now, but you can almost be certain that either something will happen in the news or you will remember something and need to add it to the list before it is done.

Some of your guests will be either insulted or annoyed that you have taken this preventative measure, but you can say that you have witnessed enough heated holiday screaming matches where even a turkey leg in the wrong hands could become a lethal weapon, so that there was no other option but creating the list.
 
You should be confident and ask your guests to stick to complimenting the chef, talking about jobs or school, and mentioning the accomplishments of their children throughout the year. These are safe conversational topics. Usually someone will bring up those loved ones no longer with you, and there will be tears shed as well as laughter as memories are evoked, but that is infinitely better than the dinner table becoming a war zone.

With a few cocktails imbibed over appetizers in the living room before moving to the festive table, chances are some loose lips will attempt to sink your ship, but with the list you have this covered. There can always be the loose cannon who gets a shot in when you least expect it, but you know the usual suspects and will try to have a word or two with them before everyone sits down to eat.

You want the perfect Thanksgiving – one where all your guests are not only thankful for what they have but also for being together. You wish it could be simpler as it was in the past when grandma used to cook for 50 people and everyone got along, but these days it is more than likely that you will have to keep the peace, and the Don't Go There List can help facilitate that.


Whether you choose to create your own list or plan on just winging it (had to get a turkey reference in there), wishing you a controversy free and Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Mourning the Loss of the New York City Parking Meter



While I know there are many things to complain about in New York City, one that bothers me the most is parking. At this point in my life I do not even attempt to drive a car in Manhattan, and that is because city rules and regulations have made it difficult if not close to impossible to park on many streets, usually making the only alternative terribly high-priced parking garages.

The Parking Meter
One of the most salient reasons why it is infinitely more difficult to park now is because of the loss of an annoying but nevertheless beloved item – the parking meter. The parking meter was one of those things that were a part of everyday life that I totally took for granted. Walking down the street and passing them along the way never used to give me a reason to stop and study them, but there was an inherent beauty in the parking meter. Like the subway token and the phone booth, the parking meter was an integral part of the city I never appreciated until it was gone.

A parking meter designated a real parking spot. This meant that I could pull up to the curb and be confident that I found a place to leave my car. There was also pleasure in jingling the quarters in my pocket, realizing I had enough time to park there as long as my coins didn’t run out. I liked slipping the quarters into the slot and seeing the black arrow show how many minutes I had to shop or eat or just walk around.

Now the parking meter has been replaced by the Muni-meter – the hideous invention which I first saw in France 30 years ago. There are no designated individual spots with the new meter, and rarely can I park near one. Usually I have to take a spot almost a block away and then race down the street to get my little coupon to put on the dashboard, giving the ambitious parking agent a chance to ticket my car before I get back to it.

There also can be other people ahead of me trying to figure out the way to get the money into the Muni-meter to get their coupons. This gives the parking agent even more time to give my car a ticket before I can get back to it.

Besides these very practical complications, there is another reason to detest the Muni-meter – it is aesthetically unpleasant, having an appearance less appealing than a cereal box. Compared to it the lost parking meter had symmetry and substance, with curves like Venus de Milo and the countenance of a metallic Mona Lisa. As I think back on it now each one did indeed encourage a little smirk on my face because even though I was annoyed to have to pay for parking I was happy to find a parking spot.

Now to get my parking meter fix I can visit little Long Island towns where they are happily still in place. Going shopping or out to lunch in these picturesque villages, I take comfort in backing into a parking spot, taking out my change, and sliding that coin into the slot.

Using these parking meters is bittersweet because it brings back memories of the past when I could do the same thing in the city I love. These days when I go about the city I must take the subway, bringing back memories of my youth riding the trains with the jingle of tokens in my pocket. I have become adjusted to using a MetroCard now, but that too is just not the same. I still miss dropping that token into the slot and going through the turnstile and getting my subway ride through the magic of one little coin.

Lovely Rita

I mourn the loss of the parking meter as I do other things from my youth like the phonebook, eight-track tapes, and Dad’s Root Beer in big glass bottles. No one ever gave the poor parking meter the respect it deserved, appreciated its integral place in the landscape of the city, and its cultural importance.

Just think about all the people who lost jobs because the parking meter has been replaced. All those repair people who used to fix them are no longer needed. The guys who collected the coins from the meters are now out of work as well, and the erstwhile meter maids of the past are a distant memory.

Come to think of it, Paul McCartney would never have been able to write the song “Lovely Rita” without the parking meter. The titular character would have been off working in some boring job instead of walking around in the sunshine and writing parking tickets in her little white book. Thank goodness for the parking meter.

And In the End

There is not nor will there ever be something like the parking meter again. I have leaned on them waiting for someone or just watching the city go by. Now there is a vacancy that only seems apparent when I look at the city sidewalks and think something is missing.


With parking meters it felt as if I had a fighting chance to get a parking place, but now I know the game of looking for a spot is over. With all the restrictions and limitations now in place, it seems that Mayor de Blasio’s plan to keep cars out of Manhattan is going to be realized. It really feels as if there is no place to park anymore. Rest in peace, New York City parking meter. Please tell the token and the phone booth I said, “Hello!”

Friday, November 10, 2017

Veterans Day and Everyday – Let’s Make Sure to Honor Our Vets


When I saw the little flag my son brought home, I thought of the flag we were given after my father’s memorial service, so perfectly folded into a triangle by young men in crisp uniforms who now serve as my Dad served. It now occupies a place of honor in our home, and when I pass it each day I think of my father – a wonderful man who made it through the horrors of war and came home and never bragged about it or expected any fuss.






My son came home from school yesterday carrying a little American flag. When asked where he got it, he said that he was given the flag by “two old men in uniforms who came to school to talk about the war.” He wasn’t sure what war they were in but knew it had to be a long time ago because he said, “They had to be 80 or maybe even 90 years old.”

I was happy that his school recognized Veterans Day not just through lessons but by bringing in real people who could speak about their service to our country. We celebrate Veterans Day to show gratitude to them – the men and women who served their country at times of war all over the world and at home as well.

According to The National World War II Museum, about 492 World War II vets die every day and there are approximately 855,000 surviving of the 16 million who served during that conflict. My father, whom we lost a few years ago, was one of them – the brave people who helped save this world from the brink of anarchy and disaster.

My grandfather served in World War I, and my uncle and some cousins served in Korea, Vietnam, and in Iraq and Afghanistan. All of them are veterans of foreign wars. They and all those who have served, whether they are living or deceased, deserve our respect and to be honored each year on this day no matter how some of us may have objected to these wars.

When we look at the statistics of those lost in all wars fought by this country, it is staggering to realize the numbers. More importantly, we come to understand that these people left the everyday comforts of life in our country to go into dangerous situations in order to protect it.

Unfortunately, political differences sometimes interfere with some people recognizing the sacrifices of those who were lost, wounded, or came home emotionally changed forever. Politics should never prevent us from honoring veterans.

When I spoke to my Dad and other family members, I came to understand that politics seemed to have nothing to do with why they served. My father and his older brother signed up shortly after Pearl Harbor, and their desire was to join the battle against the brutal enemies of our country and not to support any political ideology.

Over the years that I knew my Dad, he rarely talked about the horrors that he saw and the friends whom he had lost. Mostly he spoke of the men and women he knew, the camaraderie they shared, and the rare humorous moments that he could recall vividly more than 60 years later. I could tell by the glow in his eyes and the smile on his face that these memories burned brightly in his mind, and I was happy that he could recall them so clearly after so much time had passed.

The thing is that we owe all who served more than just this day which we observe annually; they deserve respect and the eternal gratitude of a nation that owes everything to them. When I told my son that I’m going to take him to see the veterans marching in the parade tomorrow, he said, “I’ll bring the flag and wave it for Papa.” In doing so, he will also be honoring all the rest of the people marching in that parade and every parade occurring across the country.

Hopefully, attendance will be robust at these parades and the turnout will let the veterans know that we are all grateful for what they have done. Considering that they have put their lives on the line to keep us all safe, that is the least we can do.